No one gets married with the intention of splitting up, but unfortunately, divorce happens, and it happens often. Going through a divorce can be one of life’s most painful experiences. It is an emotionally charged and stressful time for you and your family. You may feel angry, bitter, resentful, and rightfully so. You will experience these feelings intensely, and that is why you need to keep them under control while you make the biggest financial decisions of your life.
As the breadwinner of your family or a stay-at-home mom, are you emotionally and financially ready to end the marriage and embark on a journey to singlehood?
The dissolution of a marriage is all about negotiation. Negotiation requires compromise and making tradeoffs to reach an agreement. Neither you nor your soon-to-be-ex will get everything. Identify the “must-haves” that are important to you and focus on winning them. For example, before you fight over the family home, determine if you can afford to stay in the home. Don’t waste time and money fighting for things you don’t want out of spite.
Don’t be penny-wise and pound-foolish. Choose a trusted team, an attorney, a tax advisor, and a certified divorce financial analyst. Yes, your team of experts is costly. Divorce is not the time to be cheap. Hire the best experts you can afford. Spending a few hundred dollars today in exchange for long-term financial results is worth every penny.
When you have minor children in the marriage, the dissolution of the marriage will take some time. A lot of time. If you and your spouse are fighting over legal and physical custody of the children, the custody battle itself can take up to eighteen years or until each child turns eighteen. Remember Dora, the newcomer in our story? She was in and out of court for five years fighting over custody of the two boys. In custody battles, plan to pay for long-term legal expenses and other costs.
Don’t forget that college funding for your children is shared property. Someone should have stewardship over that fund after the divorce.
The dissolution of a marriage can take months or years to end. The longer the process, the costlier it will be. When you and your soon-to-be-ex decide to end the marriage, be prepared for a contentious and expensive divorce.
If you are contemplating a divorce, start saving for legal fees and collecting all financial documents. You will need copies of mortgage statements, credit card bills, auto loan statements, joint bank account statements, retirement account statements, life insurance statements, and tax returns. Keep copies of these financial records in a safe place. The more you know about your marital finances, the easier it will be for you to negotiate at the settlement table.
Meanwhile, be proactive. Start opening checking and savings accounts and a credit card in your own name. Also, check your credit score for accuracy. As a single woman, you’ll need a good credit score to rent an apartment, buy a new car, or refinance the mortgage to pay the soon-to-be ex. If you are a stay-at-home mom with no credit history or bad credit, you can get a secured credit card to build credit. [See chapter on Build Credit]
Watch out for joint credit cards opened during the marriage. Credit card companies don’t care if you are married or not. Both spouses are responsible for paying back the debt. So even if the court orders your soon-to-be-ex to pay off a joint credit card, but he didn’t pay the bill, the credit card company will demand payment from you. Your credit may suffer.
Ending your marriage will substantially change your retirement planning. If you are a stay-at-home mom, you may be entitled to your soon-to-be ex’s retirement funds and a portion of his pension. If ten years and one day have passed between saying “I do” and “I don’t” to the marriage, you may be eligible for your soon-to-be ex’s social security benefits. Moving forward, you will have to figure out how to make your money last for the next ten, twenty, maybe thirty years or more. For some women, it may mean reinventing your skills and working outside the home. So start planning for your own retirement from a new financial perspective.
During the divorce proceeding, you’ll have what seems like a never-ending series of questions, emotions, and decisions to make. But no one expects you to know the answers to all of these. Navigating a successful financial path and a new beginning doesn’t have to be traumatic. Remember Dora didn’t have the resources and knowledge that you now have. With a team of trusted advisors on your side, you can create a successful financial road-map to become a stronger financially healthier woman.
I have enjoyed writing this article series about my book, Divine Secrets of Affluent Women: The Guide To Owning Your Wealth. If you’d like to get a copy, you can find it on Amazon — here is the link to purchase the Kindle version. I’d love to connect! You can reach me via email or connect with me on social: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.